I remember waking up in the morning, unable to walk, needing my mom or my grandpa to carry me out of bed until I could use my legs. I remember going spend the entire day in the hospital once every six weeks so I could have an infusion so I could function like a normal person for a few weeks until my next infusion. I remember going to the physical therapist 3 days a week so I could learn how to move through the pain. But what I don't remember is not being in pain. I don't want pity from anyone. I don't use my disease as an excuse to get out of something. I have limitations, physical activity is not my forte. I was never able to keep up with the other kids in PE class, and it eventually got to be so much, my doctors pulled me out of it. Some make fun of me, some think I am being fat and lazy, and some just don't understand. It is a daily struggle for me to get out of bed in the morning. Something as simple as buttoning my shirt or jeans, isn't so simple for me. Now that you know the physical side and the treatments, you should know about the emotional impact. Some don't believe me when I say that I have arthritis. Some try to relate to me by saying something like "I know how you feel, I have chronic dry eye" or better yet, "Yeah my grandma has arthritis too. Then she went on this gluten free diet and was cured. You should try it". As much as I appreciate them trying to make me feel better or help, it really gets on my nerves. My arthritis and your grandma's arthritis are NOT the same thing. Hers is from wear and tear, abuse, and age. Mine is from my immune system attacking my joints. My body is literally eating itself alive. And nobody knows why. And some people are so stubborn and ignorant that they refuse to believe it, saying it's all in my head. But it's not. It is emotionally draining. I have good days where I am my happy and perky self. Then on other days, I am cranky. The pain gets to me and I am a total mess. Other days, I get depressed. The constant bullying, being an outcast, and not being able to do things all the other kids can. There are days where I feel ugly, my meds make me gain weight so it is really hard for me to stay a decent size, my meds can cause horrible acne outbreaks, and other things that hurt a physical appearance. Since nobody can see that something is wrong with you, they make fun of you in some of the worst ways possible. We get called names like "Idiot and Pathetic" wordplay on Idiopathic, Or the simple, "freak" and "stay away from me, I don't want you to infect me too". Kids exile you, treat you poorly, and we take it all. Because even though we are physically weak, we are emotionally and mentally strong. We take a beating, and try not to let it get to us. Do you know how pathetic I feel when I have to ask my mom to help me get dressed because it hurts too much to move? To not be able to walk too well in the morning and do the "Arthritis Shuffle"? To limp your way through school because you are having ankle problems? It breaks me down. Some days I am so emotionally raw, I can't do it. People always say that I am amazing, strong, and a great fighter. But then there are those that bring us down. Heck, just the strange stares from those at school can break me some days. I know there are people that have it worse than me, and I know I can deal with this. But inconsiderate people make it ten times harder. But I know I can handle this, because it WILL get better eventually. You know the song, The Climb by Miley Cyrus? That describes it perfectly. I can go on forever on how it feels, but words can't describe the highs and lows I go through all the time. back - (Page 10) - next